Future Regret

Well, I have finished my first year of teaching out on Rosebud. The experience of teaching on a reservation has been overwhelming in retrospect. Coming back to stay with my folks in New Jersey has shown me how incredibly different life is in South Dakota.

Lately, I have attempted to structure my future. That future includes aspirations of recruiting for Teach For America and going to graduate school for public policy. But as I look into the future, I am afraid that I will gradually move away from the issues that affect my students and Rosebud. And what if I don't even work in educational reform? What if I never get back in a classroom? I seem to have come to a point where if my individual aspirations do not include fighting for Rosebud, then I will live with regret.

Things like this keep me up at night nowadays. Other issues on the rez, like tribal politics, alcohol and drub abuse, unemployment, also keep me up. But how much can I do as an outsider? Even if I tried to reform and help, how much can I do as a white man that never grew up on the rez? I guess I need to pick my battles.

Well, time to go stare at the ceiling for a while.

Those Damn Cows

I never would have thought that an animal that spends it's life just eating grass and sleeping would cause me so much distress. When I first moved out to South Dakota and The Rosebud Rez, I imagined wide open spaces and rolling hills. And there are plenty of them, but I didn't expect every square inch would be fenced in. There is not one place, except for towns and communities, where it's not fenced in. Every drive results in beautiful landscapes that are blemished with cows and wire fencing. I remember hearing somewhere that cows outnumber humans in South Dakota 3 to 1. I would bet its more than that - or atleast here in South Central SoDak.
I guess it's not necessarily the cows that bother me. I mean, they are harmless oafs that eat up the countryside. But, it's what that symbolize. Ranchers have come in to the Rez, bought the land from tribal members and just fenced off the reservation. They have kicked out the buffalo and replaced it with the cow. On the reservation there is more room for cows than for humans. Somehow, that seems backwards.
When I look out my car window and see the cows, I go through a mix of emotions. I naturally get disgusted from the greed of ranches with their 100,000 acres of grazing pastures. That's reservation land. We already squished the Lakota to tiny reservations, and now 75-90% of the land is owned by whites? But while I still hate what those ranches and cows have come to symbolize out here, I still eat beef every once in a while. While I don't buy meat at the grocery store, I will still eat meat when I am a guest or when I am out to dinner. So every time I watch those cows chewing their cud, I see my hypocrisy. Or everytime I chomp down on a burger.
Damn... why do those harmless oafs have to taste so good?

Spring has Sprung

I decided that Spring has started only a couple days ago. I created some horse shoe pits in my backyard out of plywood and 2x4s and filled them with sand. Though overcast, me and Dylan and his younger brother, who stayed with us for a couple days on his way home from college, played horse shoes outside. Then, last night, I was able to mow the lawn and of course, play some more horse shoes. And the sun didn't set until 9pm. Perfect.
That's my definition of the start of summer - the clang of horse shoes and lawn mower engines. Now, how can you argue with that?

To Kill A Mockingbird

I just finished a timely literary classic, To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee. It made me think about the decency of humankind, the honesty of children, and importance of family, friends, and neighbors. I found myself, as most readers do, drawn deeply into the enigma of Boo Radley, the shut-in neighbor of The Finches. For years, Boo has never stepped foot outside the confines of his manor. After reflecting on it, I find myself wondering, why does he choose to live in solitude? Jem Finch has a poignant take on Boo; perhaps Boo has seen too much and has decided to see no more. Perhaps he has seen or heard too much Maycomb gossip, too much racism, and too much injustice. Perhaps he has just seen too much of humanity.

After finishing the book, I find myself attempting to put myself in Boo's shoes. Looking at the world not as a participant, but as a quiet observer. From the recliner in the living room I can look out and see my world for the past year. An outsider on the reservation, attempting to make significant academic gains with my students. But how important are academic gains in the grand scheme of things here? Important enough for nearly 50 young Teach for America teachers to spent their days, and most nights and weekends tirelessly lesson planning, creating rigorous assessments, and faithfully tracking student progress. But is that all we need to be doing out here?

In the past couple weeks, I have found myself questioning how important these academic gains are for some students. To my delight, and to the delight of the TFA institution, I have been making significant gains with most of my students in the area of reading. Many of these students were 8th graders on a fourth grade reading level that are now about to hit 6th grade on their reading assessments. But also to my dismay, it is coming down to the end of the year, and their behavior is not fit for high school. They are not fully self-directed learners. They have spent the entire year without any work done at home. They consistently get failing grades and do not bring them up to passing until they are forced to stay after school. This does not prepare them to become high school students. Unfortunately, high school is a new beast that does not often plug in the cracks where most of my students fall. The school doesn't have the same resources to throw these kids a life line when they fall in the academic abyss to pull them out. If a student doesn't take responsibility of his or her education, then he or she is more likely to fail their freshmen year. And failing freshman year means that student has a very small chance to graduate from high school.

So, for the last month of school, I will be impressing upon my students how important it is to take responsibility of one's work. I will attempt to hold them accountable until they walk across that stage for 8th grade graduation. It will be tough, and they will not liked to be pushed when summer is so close, but it has to be done. Or everything I and they have worked towards will mean squat.

I will never become a Boo Radley, a recluse figure that sees the world only through the lens of a window. But, I will from time to time take the form of Boo, so I may see the world in a different light, though a more faded light. It takes views of both a Boo Radley and an inquisitive, active child to truly see the world for what it is worth.

Snow Days?!

That's right my friends. The weather in South Dakota is the most unpredictable I have seen in my many years. We go from weekends of 0 degree weather with light snow to 60-65 degrees by Wednesday. The wind out here is quite strong and persistent and makes any snow storm into blizzard because of the white out conditions. Monday night we were hit with some hail, thunderstorms, and a tornado warning since it was 60 degrees and it was to drop to 10 degrees. Luckily there was no tornado, but then the snow came and with the cold temperature and sleet, it all froze an inch or two thick on the ground. Thus transportation was dangerous and unreliable and school was called off.

As I was taking my day off to slack off by having a big brunch with friends, watch my Phillies World Series DVD (thanks Santa), have a bunch of people over to indulge in Taco Tuesday, I found out that the next day would be off too (that ice isn't going any where).

And that brings you up to date. Today I have promised myself to be more productive. I will finish my rough draft for Take One! which the school district is having us complete for some professional development. It consists of a 15 minute video and a 13 page paper. All in all, it actually is not that helpful in reflecting on my teaching since they have such specific requirements for the taping that it makes it feel trite and simulated. But, we get paid a good amount of money to finish this first step towards to National Board Certification. So, time to suck it up and finish this paper and get it sent in before 4/15. (Look at me, trying to get done even before April... yeah!)

I bought a ping pong table about a month ago and it has gotten some great use so far. My house mate Dylan is quite good at the sport and it has pushed me to become better and better. Other friends have come over to play and really enjoyed it as well. Nothing better on a day off from school then to have a hot chocolate and play some intense ping pong. And reliving the Phillies becoming World Champions.

Now hoping a year from now that I will be watching a Flyers DVD with them becoming Stanley Cup Champions on my Snow Day...

Close Call

Last Friday night, my roommate Dylan and I left around 6pm to drive south 20 miles to St. Francis where our buddies live for band practice. On our way we stopped by the Gus Stop to pick up some pizzas to share with our band-mates and started the routine journey west out of Mission and south through Rosebud to get to St. Francis.

During the car ride in my brand new Escape, Dylan listened to the radio and highlighted our week of teaching at the Middle School. As I drove further south I started approaching the tiny town of Rosebud, which is the "capitol" of Rosebud Reservation. Here, the speed limit dips from 65 to 40 mph. As always, I ease my car down to 40 as I approach the outskirts of town and drive past the small communities of trailers and HUD (Housing and Urban Development) housing. As I past BIA- 9 road on my right, I notice a pair of headlights in front of me in my lane.
"That's weird", I thought to myself, since there is no merge ahead or a turn lane for BIA-9 for opposite traffic yet. "Maybe the driver is anticipating a turn", I thought, though very very perplexed as the large, decade old pickup continues towards me.

Uh... he's not moving into another lane. "THAT GUY IS IN MY LANE!" I yelled.

So I moved more towards the right as we are barreling at each other going 40 miles and hour. AND HE MIMICKS MY MOVE. So I move quickly to the left. AND HE FOLLOWS THAT MOVE. Here I am, playing vehicle chicken with a pickup truck. And even though I like to finish what I start, this is one game I am willing to quit.

"Woah! WOah! WOAH!"

The last woah came as I made the last second decision to cut hard to the right and go into the ditch. I slowly move back onto the highway and look in my rear view mirror and notice the driver must have come back to reality as he headed back into his designated lane.

"You alright?" I asked Dylan.

"Yeah, you?" he reciprocated.

"Yeah, I'm fine" I answered. And then we stayed silent for a few moments letting those terrifying seconds sink in.

"Is the pizza, OK?" Yeah, that's me. With that situation behind me, time to think about the future... or atleast my stomach.

The Black Hills

It's late for me, so this won't be long.

After another quick week teaching, I had the pleasure of spending most of my MLK Jr weekend in the Black Hills. The Black Hills are a beautiful area of huge hills (mountains for those from NJ) that are heavily wooded with large coniferous trees. Within these hills lie old western towns such as Deadwood (made famous from the HBO series). Towns of a couple thousand or less that thrive on tourism and gambling. And throughout the Hills there are HUGE cabins that are often rented out for weekend getaways.

Well, I had one such getaway. The first night a three story cabin with a hot tub, enourmous kitchen, flat screen TVs, and foozeball table housed 27 teachers. The second saw around 20. And on that Saturday morning and afternoon I had my first trip skiing in over 10 years. And it was great! Even with it being my first skiing excursion since I failed a beginner course over a deade ago, I managed to ski intermediate slopes with only a few bailouts and bruises.

Next weekend will find me to the East instead of the Black Hills with a teaching conference. I hope to meet a few more national certified teachers and get more ideas for making progress with my students.

Afternoon Off and Freedom Writers

It's two o'clock and the last bus has come to the middle school to take the kids home. There were very high winds throughout this morning, at 40-60 mphs. That with some flurries caused some blowing snow that got the superintendent worried and called the school day at 1pm. Of course, it looks fine out now, but that always happens when we call school early.

Getting back from break as gone surprisingly well. The students have had less referrals and write-ups and morale seems to be good. It might have something to do with having a 3 week winter break, but who really knows. Or it could have been the movie and assembly last week.

Last Wednesday we watched a movie called Freedom Writers that stars Hilary Swank. Not an incredible movie, but as a teacher that works in an impoverished school system, it was quite moving. And the kids seemed to pay pretty close attention to it.

The next day, the students were bused to the high school and met the teacher that the movie was based on, Erin Gruwell. There, Erin talked about three of her kids stories and what it was like to make a difference to her students in classroom 203 in Long Beach, CA. At the end, she ask some personal statements to the audience, and after each one she asked for you to stand if you could relate to that statement. She started with: Stand if you are a tribal member. (Almost everyone stands) Stand if you have lived on the reservation your whole life. (Not as many, but most everyone is standing) Stand if you have never left the state. (Less stand up) And then she went deeper. Stand if you know someone who abuses alcohol. (Almost everyone in the room stood up). Stand if you are someone you know has been abused by an alcoholic (Most people are standing). Stand if you speak Lakota in your home (Only a handful out of the hundreds in attendance are standing). Stand if you know someone who has killed by gang violence (75% stand up). Stay standing if you know more than 1 (Most stay standing). More than 2 (Half of those standing sit down). More than 3 (Another half of those sit down). 4 or more (A handful of students are still standing).

It was a moving moment to actaully see these kids stand up and realize that they aren't the only ones going through the same problems. For me personally, it was a moment to give thanks for wonderful life I have been provided by my family and by making the right personal choices.

The biggest suprise out of that whole assembly was to see that more then 3/4ths of the students want to move off the reservation. I had no idea that so many of those kids wished to move away. If that's what these students truly want to do, then they have to realize how important there education is to fulfilling that goal. Perhaps that will motivate more kids to work harder. Without an education, these kids have zero shot of moving off the rez. But, let's hope that in the end they all get their education and give back their knowledge to the reservation and improve the conditions here. Now that's a real goal for these students.